Gospel Sunday

“You must unlearn what you have learned.” –Yoda

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Austin is a dynamic community of many different cultures. The goal of a city like this is to never lose your self-identity. The city has a pulse of independence. It is a city that does not like conformity or unoriginal thoughts. If you are lost, come to Austin. If you are stubborn, go to Los Angeles.

I started going to Unity church in Phoenix, AZ. It is a non-denominational Christian church. It looks at the Bible as a plan of thought, not an absolute code. I think of it as a bunch of smart people sharing ideas and meditating. Unity is International and during my first visit to Austin over a year ago, I stumbled onto the Unity church of Austin. This was going to be my first experience at the location.

When I came to Austin I completely changed. I had to. I did not change into a culture that would not accept me. I did not force myself into Cowboy boots or country music. Where I changed was in finding myself. I found out whom I was inside and what it takes to be that person. I found the courage to do what I wanted and have freedom. Usually, people find this much younger and it produces credit card debt and alcoholism. For me, it was finally acceptance that I was not the only person thinking about these things. I am not the only person worried about everything.

I went to church on my own. I think that church is a special environment that is something that needs to be done singular on occasion. I look at church in the same light that I look at a movie theater. I am there to get a distraction for an hour or so. I am there to learn something that I have not understood before or forgot along the shuffle of life. Lastly, I am there to recharge. I go to the movies to escape the meat grinder of life. I go to church to allow my loathing to settle for a bit and understand that everything will never make sense.

Austin is a unique city as it has no identity. It has a motto: “Keep Austin Weird,” but no true sense of self. I look at Austin as a mirror of myself. It is in constant change. It is something new and different everyday. It is not greedy and when it tries to become something it is not it fails miserable. It is not self-promoting and could care less what others think as long as it is staying true to itself. Check that, I am not Austin. I strive to be Austin everyday; some days it works, others it does not.

Unity of Phoenix was the second biggest church within Unity. It was a massive structure that had a compound. There was a courtyard where people congregated. There were refreshments and a garden. There were people progressively talking and there was a pulse of something good happening on those grounds. Unity of Austin had a much different vibe. It was not bad, just not what I expected. The service was similar, but the church itself was very intimate. There were about a dozen people or so and it felt more like a Catholic church than progressive institute.

The days that it works out create poetic expressions. When I am in touch with this city, I dominant it. I trek around every corner and find new adventures. I take pictures and understand the greatness of the details. I become part of the pulse and am intimidated by nothing. My mind wanders in the fairyland and everything is in its right place. I listen to my Ipod that creates the soundtrack for each episode I experience. These episodes are pieced together within myself to create a mosaic of what this city means to me. This, my faithful readers, is on the good days.

After this church service I was left unfulfilled. I remember the change that I felt when I would go in Phoenix. I remember how I would leave a new person. How I would look forward to the service and everything I was to experience. I had never had a bad time and would look forward to the discussion that certain elements of the service sparked between my Uncle, Aunt and I. I was expecting this same sense of accomplishment, but was left empty. I was left longing for the enlightenment that I found in Phoenix those Sundays. I decided to go to Stubb’s for lunch and to understand what was wrong with me.

The days that the city is overwhelming are difficult. The city seems massive. The alleys seem thin. The community seems distant. The logic seems frayed. The reasons seem limited. The tasks begin to mount. I wake up and desire to find a distraction from what it is I am living for. I look for ways to avoid myself. I begin to self-loath everything that is around me. I hate the city for being so unique. I hate the house I live in for being too perfect. I hate the ones closest to me for being so supportive. I just want to be destructive in a corner and pretend that everything around me is not overwhelming and does not exist.

On Sunday’s Stubb’s has Gospel Brunch. There are two times for this event, one at 9:30 and one at 11. I made it in time for the 11 and was seated in front of a stage. I ordered a beer and grabbed my plate. Stubb’s is a BBQ place in Austin. It is famous for the sauce that is made as that is sold nationwide. Stubb’s is a part restaurant, part outdoor amphitheater. This was to be my third visit to Stubb’s and the first time I was to sit downstairs. There is a small showroom with a stage. I am seated two tables from the stage and exit the back door where the buffet is set up. The buffet consisted of eggs, waffles, two different potatoes, greens, four different meats and pecan pie. It was to be a feast.

I am happy to say that the good days outweigh the bad days. Everyday is usually a good day and the bad days creep up just to keep life interesting. Today is a great day. Today is one of those days that people write greeting cards about. Today is one of those days that makes you smile just to watch a parent and child walk in the park. Today is a day that makes life what it is. There is a sense of self. There is a sense of accomplishment. There is a sense of worth. There is a sense of meaning. There is a sense of Love for everything that constructs the time that we have.

The best element of the brunch was not the food but the entertainment. See, at the Gospel brunches, Gospel musicians perform throughout the meal. The band performing for my visit was a seven piece from San Antonio. Every member was African American and each soloed a few songs. One member was a child and on the drums. He was learning the tricks of the trade and was probably a grandchild of one of the other members. I ate and drank and listened. The room was full and everyone around me was enjoying everything happening. There was not a frown in the room and dancing broke out in one corner. The vibe was easy to understand as jubilation. It became one of my favorite days living in Austin.

Since live is this constant growth and understanding that we are just big children running around in adult bodies, it feels good to accomplish something. What I looked to accomplish on this day was to get an easy fix at a church I used to go to. What I found is no experience is ever understood when you force yourself to feel something.

See, while in Arizona my life was full of the bad days I mentioned above. I would have those anxieties on a daily basis. I would have the weekly outlet and would enjoy Sunday’s as those were the days that allowed me to grow. Those were the only days that offered me solitude to find myself.

What I found is that in Austin everyday is a good day. Well, almost everyday. I do not need to go to a place on a Sunday to experience what I feel on a daily basis. I am learning to be an adult with the Love of my life and doing so in a city that has the character of a lost post-college graduate. I created a sense of enlightenment and nirvana by chance at Stubb’s. I was hoping to get drunk and go home unsatisfied. Instead, I was on stage singing and felt the love that life has to offer. This wonderful opportunity we have to challenge ourselves to accomplish goals everyday offers the nirvana that we seek for our spirit. Go out and challenge yourself. Do not do it for anyone else other than yourself. I challenged myself and moved to a new city. Some of the worst actions are those that are not taken. Destroy all labels as they will only end up owning you.

Moral: Yoda is a wise, fake creature. Stubb’s has some very good barbeque. Challenge yourself to think about your existence to understand why exactly everything is happening. Is it really happening or are you forcing it to happen mentally to avoid the journey in front of you?

“Ladies and Gentlemen: I’m a writer!”