Thursday through Sunday, August 27 through August 30, 2009.
Charcoal and Chuck E Cheese.
I found the meaning of this blog while in San Diego. That may seem like a departure from the working title and true essence of this work. I find it refreshing as the meaning I discovered is accurate for the current time. But, as with life, is ever changing and evolving. This is a piece of art that means something to me right now that will change over time. This one post will remain the same but the way the words play in my mind will be completely different in a minute, hour, day or year.
The blocks of dialog in quotations were said the day of the bachelor party. The speaker is either Marc or myself. I did not talk them as it is not needed. It will give you an idea of the transcript and how we managed to get drunk at Pizza Port in Carlsbad, get lost at a Men’s Warehouse in Oceanside, soak ourselves on the streets of Anaheim, sit next to the toilet on the train back from Los Angeles and end the bachelor life of Andy at the end of a Pier. Enjoy!
“Ok, the directions are easy. You go North on the 5. Pick up the 78 and get off the first exit on Jefferson. Make a left and continue until the street ends. There will be a Villa Something there. Make a right and it will be next to a Chuck E Cheese.”
The time spent was for a wedding. It was my best friend’s wedding. I say that and shutter at how cliché that sounds. My life is full of best friends. The closest to me is Bonnie. She is my everything. Next is Marc who understands me as a person. Then my brother who I go through every battle with. Andy is my moral compass and gauge on what is proper.
Short story, I promise.
Andy, Marc and I went to Europe. It was years ago when we were children. I followed everything Marc and Andy did. They were brothers and balanced each other. Marc was wild and enjoyed himself. Andy was measured and wise. I balanced myself between both. I drank with Marc and played chess with Andy. That was our relationship. It was a relationship of balance. To this day, Andy and Marc are the smartest people I know. Marc has the knowledge of a traveler and Andy has the wisdom of a Buddha. They are my spectrum of actions and my closest friends. The wedding I was in San Diego for was the marriage of Andy to Patty.
This blog started because I needed to talk to someone. I know it may seem like lunacy to talk to a computer, but it worked. People have been talking to me and telling me how much they enjoy it. It has caused my ego to rise and with it my responsibility. I am responsible to you, the reader, to continue to provide work that is honest and that entertains. This is something that I discovered in Austin. A funny thing happens when you are cooped up inside classrooms with other stuffy people, you become stuffy. This is my attempt to get back to the grassroots of life; this is my attempt to get back into everyday society where real things happen to real people. This is my attempt to actually live outside of the classroom. Everyone knows when they are in a position they hate but continue because it is convenient. It causes much pain to break who you were, but live in the future, not the past. I hope you accept my application and allow me to be your tour guide into the unknown future.
“Dude there is so not a Chuck E Cheese there. We are standing next to a car dealership, a Barnes and Noble, Ross, Chipotle and closed Stein Mart. Why did you not say one of those? What is the deal with your landmarks?”
If you are still reading, I am assuming that you have agreed to allow me to show you my world. It is a world of beer and movies. It is a world of sleeping and jogging, sometimes. It is a world that I have created for myself after I cut the cord. After I abolished the world that I was dieing in, it allowed me to create the world I would thrive in. I am not leading a complete life of leisure that allows me to just relax and become unmotivated. The exact opposite has happened. I have found life. I have found the true essence of it. I have discovered what every writer pains themselves to find. I have found the fountain of youth. I have found the city of gold. I have found paradise.
“The guy at the store said this causes you to never get a hangover. I know it is charcoal, and it probably should be inside of the grill and not our bodies. But, he worked at GNC and this is just the Bachelor party and the first night. We have a whole weekend, so let’s not blow our bodies up right from the get go.”
This paradise exists in my mind. Wait, it does not exist in my mind, but my mind has created it. It does exist in the material world, just perceived by my mind. See, I have switched my understanding of society. I am no longer negative. I no longer care about the things that I placed value you in during my previous life. Checklist for how this is fact.
- I do not care nor have I watched a full Yankee game in over a month.
- I have not checked or updated any of my fantasy sports leagues in over a week.
- I have not watched a full Sportscenter in over a month.
- I no longer talk and analyze every action and decision made by someone that is not myself.
- I update Facebook regularly as I no longer see it as a negative, egotistical avenue. But, as a way to stay connected with those you have grown away from.
- I have not debated with Bonnie about anything.
- I no longer get upset in traffic and lose my patience when something does not go my way.
- I like waking up at 6 AM to run.
- I enjoy doing the dishes and laundry at my house.
- I have allowed myself to follow the calmness that everything happens for a reason and we will always be alright.
“Chug the beers or dump them, the cops are up there. I do not want to get Andy arrested two days before the wedding. Patty would kill us and we’d miss the game. The bar is just around that corner. Why did you put the beer in your pocket after you opened it, now you smell like a fishing boat.”
Granted, that is just a small list that I have created as indicators. This shift that has happened and is continuing to happen is growth. It is me becoming an adult. I look back at the memories of my life as I do film. I can watch a film and my mood at a given time will dictate if I enjoy the film or not. It is never an honest judgment as we are human and bring every experience we had in the past with us into the future. Therefore, I look back at my life and the moments that have molded my character in a new light. I look at how immature I was in my relationship with Bonnie and my family. I look at how many times I took the easy way out and it caused me to stay stagnant. I look at how if I changed one detail, how much different my life would be. See, when I would do this regeneration of my life in my mind before, I would stew in the negativity of it. I would hate myself for actions that I did or did not do. I would be so hard on myself and defeat my confidence before I even had time to understand. I look at my life and laugh at this point. I thank Bonnie everyday for staying with me through those periods as she saw my potential. I would not change a thing in the past because it would change my entire existence now. Everything happens for a reason and we’ll be alright.
“As we throw this flower into the ocean, it represents Andy’s independence. It represents his previous life and the new chapter he is creating with Patty. This flower represents how we all have changed and will continue to change. This flower is like Love itself. When you Love something you have to give it away because it will always come back to you in a greater and more amazing form.”
This past weekend I was at a wedding for Andy and Patty. It was in a very tranquil and beautiful garden in Encinitas, California. The wedding was perfect and everyone had a great time. I would like to say that this wedding was also my coming out party. This was my declaration for adulthood. It is not age that defines a person but actions. I found that out as I finally felt free. I was free of my guilt. I was free of my old ways. I was free of the negativity of my pessimism. I was free of my judging of others because it was easier than being honest with myself. I saw myself and my future in a new light at the conclusion of that wedding. Andy and Patty have become one and make an amazingly happy family one day. They took a leap of faith together and have the trust to work it out. I made same that leap going to Austin. I found out that I am in love with myself. I think that is the first time in my life I can say that. I am finally content with everything that I have created and in one month I have surpassed my wildest dreams and it has only just began. I also found out that I may never leave Austin, as it was the first time in my life that I was itching to ditch San Diego to go home.
“Never take charcoal. Damn you GNC guy, it is a laxative. It does nothing for alcohol processing, it just makes you shit. Yeah, we are not hung over, because we stopped drinking at 7 not because we took a wonder drug. That is the last time I ever take medical advise from Marc. I almost shat myself on the pier. Thanks Marc.”
Moral: When in Encinitas visit the Quail Botanical Gardens. Charcoal will make you shit and Chuck E Cheese is never a good landmark to base directions off of. Congratulations to Andy and Patty for finding the mates of their dreams. Transform yourself and shift everything that you know in order to understand where your paradise exists.
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