Visceral Experience.
Aloha.
That means hello and goodbye.
The following will be a dissection of the Hawaiian Language with the meaning and root of each of the words.
I am kidding.
I am not that smart.
So, it has been a month.
A month since I have spoken to myself in the most honest of ways.
The month has been crazy.
I have worked on my first film.
I made my acting debut.
I hit the bottom of a fit of depression.
I watched the walls concave on myself.
I have discovered more amazing nooks in Austin.
I have discovered music again.
I have discovered new friends and journeys that I thought I would never be prepared for.
I have discovered the visceral experience.
I was walking home. It was after 2 AM. I was observing others. I like to watch. People were pouring out of bars. I have been told by the locals, that this walk would not have been safe a few years ago, but now it is.
The Eastside of Austin is going through something that is called gentrification. This is when a neighborhood that is of a lower socio-economic level begins to transform into a higher tax bracket. In reality, it is when a bunch of white hipsters begin to buy up land and make it their own. Think of what the Whites did to the Native Americans. Hey, I am not throwing stones, part of progress and one of the reasons I can live so close to Downtown.
So, I am walking down this section of 6th St. that used to be heavily Hispanic only to see Banana Republic clad groups exit trendy bars. I looked on without breaking pace of my walk. Many of the people were not sober. Many of them were trying to make the last ditch efforts to hook up for the night. To try and get that last confidence boost that allows them to understand that they will never be alone.
Other couples were fighting. As I understand, if you are in a relationship and you get drunk you usually fight. I suppose that it is not just those in relationships that fight. But, when you spend that much time with one person you just begin to hate them. Think about how much you hate yourself sometimes. You know the days when you cannot get out from under the blankets and hate mirrors. Well, when you spend every moment with someone, that someone becomes the mirror of what you are. Unfortunately, most of the time we do not like our own reflection.
I watch this like I watch Discovery Channel. It is like watching Shark Week or a show about the Sahara Desert. I feel my conscious being the narrator with a thick British accent. I provide my own soundtrack of commentary for what is happening.
Both are equally entertaining. The courting of a random soul who will be whatever you allow them to be and the disgust with the one you Love because they have become everything you want them to be. This entertains for my walk.
I like to walk. It allows me to think that I am free. We are animals. We are not supposed to be caged. We are not supposed to be in cubicles and airplanes. We are not supposed to be in front of computers and inside of cars. We are supposed to be roaming. We are supposed to be free.
I am currently working on a film project with one of my friends in Austin. The film is going to be the most challenging thing that I have ever done. As I type that, I understand that everyday while living in Austin has been the most difficult thing that I have ever done. The reason is that it is living.
Woody Allen said of relationships: “They are like sharks, once they stop moving forward, they die.”
I think that is true of life. Once you settle you die.
Something that I get caught doing from time to time is waiting. This is not my only action in which is a cycle, but I waste time. I know that it is not a waste, as nothing is, but there are extended moments in which I let the doubts of life in to kick my ass.
My move to Austin was to extinguish this wait. It was to let me get to living while I have my Golden Ages. What I have found is that it is a whole lot more difficult than the plan said it would be.
I try to challenge myself each day to keep the edge of living. I try new things. I try new places. I eat new food and drink new beer. I take acting classes and do laundry. I am addicted to coffee and try to work out everyday.
These are the things that define me. I am defined by what I do, not what I want to do.
I want to change the world. I want to write a play. I want to be a success. I want my parents to be proud. I want to be settled in my skin.
A thing that always helps me is removing the word want from my vocabulary. The more that I talk to my friends and fellow Austinites. The more I dissect others lives and politics. The more I compare everything that happens in every moment, the more I lose.
See, life is not this competition. Life is not this list of wants where you can say you want everything without doing anything. Life is about removing want and desire and doing. It is not about being greedy or successful.
Look, everything happens for a reason. A plan is a ridiculous idea as it becomes outdated the moment it leaves your lips. When you fail, fail great.
My voyeurism ended as the strip of new bars seized to auto body shops. One lone car was in front of me with the door ajar. Two drunk 20-somethings were talking. I did not know the context of the evening for the pair, but I didn’t need to. I know what that talk was about. It was the talk that we, as humans, have with ourselves every time we alter our state. Why did you do that to me? What does it mean? What is going to happen tomorrow? And, please God, don’t leave me. I was a few paces back when I turned back. The couple had embraced, tears in both of their eyes and the I Love You’s had been exchanged. They were fine; until next weekend.
I made the final turn onto the street in which I live. I looked up at the three pairs of children shoes hanging from the power line. They had the most gentle of swing in them from the wind. Beyond my focus was the vastness of the night sky. The light was minimal and allowed for a slight glimpse of Moon and a few dozen stars. My neck was tilted and my head turned upward for the last few steps down the cramped street.
I was in awe. I understood just how big all of this stuff is. It allowed me to remember that there are people that love me and everything is so minimal. It allowed me to be a kid again. I think that is the goal of everyday we live. To feel like a child when everything was new and amazing and everyone was good and we had no idea what the word “success” and “failure” meant.
Music:
So, I have been engulfed by Austin and it’s music. It started with the visit to a place titled “Beer Land” for a concert that featured “TV Torso.”
The room was small. The beer was good. The people were drunk. The band was great. The band had pieces of an old band entitled “Sound Team” that I really enjoy. “TV Torso” was just as epic, with a magnificent lead singer that inflicts each lyric with tremendous emotion.
This tour continued at the “Mohawk” with “Bishop Allen.” The Mohawk is a much larger venue and the band demanded it. I new of Bishop Allen as the lead singer was in a film based in Austin that I watched at the Austin Film Festival. The band was very entertaining providing some poppy energy music reminiscent of their fellow New York counter parts, “Vampire Weekend.”
I ventured back to the “Mohawk” to watch a band make their first ever performance. The band, “Brackett & Co.” is made up of three parts of an Austin band that I Love, “Okkervil River.” The set was very intimate with a great deal of charisma from the lead singer as his face was a clear indication of how grateful he was to have people show up. The sound was good and after a few more sets and rehearsals, they will be a very good live show.
The opening act to “Brackett & Co.” was a New Jersey band names “Real Estate.” They provided a very awesome show that rocked the house. With a seven piece band including many stringed instruments, they rattled through an impressive set sounding very similar to early “Beck” work or that of “The Flaming Lips.”
The following day had me back at the “Mohawk” for more music. This time the main event was “Cursive.” It is a band hailing from Omaha, NE and from the same area as one of my favorite bands of all times “Bright Eyes.” “Cursive” has been around for a while and are breaking through with their most recent release. All three levels of the venue were chalk full of music fans and we were not disappointed. It was one of the most entertaining stage presences that I have enjoyed in a while. They pounded through song after song creating an amazing sound with very powerful lyrics. This song has become the current anthem of the times for the feelings I have here in Austin.
After “Cursive” finished their set, there close friends were playing down the street at “Emo’s.” This was my first trip to Emo’s and it has become one of my new favorite places. It is the classic perfect place for everything. It has a cheap bar, a very large and close stage with a beer garden in the back with picnic tables. The cover was $2.00 and the band “Old Canes” rocked out. The sound was very dense. It felt like “The Arcade Fire” met “Wilco” and they both decided to play the most random instruments to the maximum without breaking anything. If that was not enough, the lead singer looked like George Clooney from “Syriana” with a full black and grey beard. The crowd was into it and dancing all over the place. I joined in with my very artistic white dance moves and everyone was smiling.
There was a 20 minute break and “Haunting Oboe Music” took the stage. The crowd thinned as it was about 1 AM at this time. I creeped to the front of the stage and enjoyed what I would call as a “rock show.” I would call this band a Jeremy Browning band. He is one of my closest friends in Arizona and this would have been a show for him. The stage had a pair of keyboards, a pair of bass guitars, a pair of electric guitars and two drum kits. The sound was epic and this felt like one of those times when after you think to yourself, ok, what the hell did I just see and remember this band as they will not be playing in this setting for very long.
Concluding, one band was better than the next. I have attached links and songs from each to give you an idea of what I listened to. But, as with any visceral experience, it was not just the music, but it was everything that is living that made these sets memorable.
Visceral experiences are the things that define us. We defend them to others and defend ourselves from experiencing them sometimes as life is sometimes easier when you don’t know what you are missing out on when you choose to be overwhelmed.
Concluding, music is amazing and when you all come to visit, I have many a new places for us to visit!
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