Agenda

Agenda.

A word that allows for endless possibilities. I love writing that as all words allow for this understanding. But, this word will make my working class readers readers cringe as it expresses a list of duties that need to be completed in a set amount of time; otherwise, the day will not be successful.



I have always had an agenda. I think this goes back to my parents. They are people that have to plan out exactly what is going to happen. I remember vacations in which the entire trip was planned out from what time we were supposed to arrive to the time we were to eat. I always wondered, how the heck do they already know when we are going to be hungry?



Agenda is a word that is used to create a plan. It is a word that expresses expectations for something to happen. What I now understand is that agenda’s end up killing the moment. They are created in one moment, to plan out things in the future that may never happen because that moment is not guaranteed.



As with being human, I took on this controlling method of living. I had to have a reason for something. A trip to Austin was thought of and I stated, “We need to go to do something.” I would plan out vacations in which we would stay at three different hotels over five days just to experience which one is best so we would know where to stay on the next trip. I always wanted this structure in the future. I always wanted it to all be mapped out for me; I thought it was easier that way.



Expect nothing and receive everything. When you anticipate something to happen, it will happen, but not be nearly as satisfying as you originally thought. When you expect someone to be something more than what they can offer, they will never fulfill your desires. But, when you understand the beauty in everything and do not need the acceptance of others to confirm your happiness; you will see all of the marvels in human connection.



My life in Austin is beginning to mirror this new approach. I am no longer planning anything. I am learning to be patient. I am learning to be flexible. I am learning to be open. I am learning to be uncomfortable. I am learning to be wrong. I am learning to not be the smartest person in the room. I am learning to be happy with who I am. I am not here to live some one else’s life. I am not here to fit into a mold in which I am not satisfied. I am being selfish by providing unconditional compassion to myself and those around.



We carry so many exhausted emotions into every morning when we wake up that it is difficult to level out the current moments into new experiences. Rather, they just become a forum for our memories. The mornings can be tainted with the fights of the previous days. Or, the glow of a new Love. It is important, as with living a complete life, to understand that each day is independent of the previous or the future. Each day stands on its own in the test of time and you my friend have the mallet to shape that day as you seem fit.



My friend, Nation, arrived Friday evening around 11. The agenda was for us to chill at my house for the night, then make the 8 hour drive the following morning at 4 AM. That was changed the moment he stepped off the plane and we hit the 71 to the Interstate 10 East. A rain was hovering over Austin the entire day and was our travel companion the whole way. The road was lonely. My friend played with his phone. I played in my head. He fell asleep and I talked to myself. I had a debate about how the Cardinals were going to win the game. This concluded when I figured out the exact way my play was going to end, which is going to be fantastic, and I drove a calm body of water as the fog of the morning was being burnt off with the glow of the sun. Everything was grey and we had finally arrived at our hotel. The clock read 7:28 AM.



Realities have caused us to always judge everything prior to it happening. We have already built in conclusions for all of these moments that have never truly happened. We have these ideas of what would happen and that becomes absolute truth as we honestly belief them. There is nothing stronger in this world than the individual conscious with the support of the collected witnesses.



The scoreboard read 45-14. The Cardinals were on the short end of the fence. Nation was exhausted as the laundry list of excuses were running out as we exited the stadium. We were clad in all red and were easy targets in the mass of Gold and Black. No fistfights broke out. There were some heated exchanges as we crossed into the downtown area of New Orleans. One gentleman who was wearing shoulder pads, a faded jersey, a football helmet and wielding a light saber type device was very motivated to make the point that he kicked our asses. I tried to debate with the individual with the point that I did not see him playing, nor did I actually play a down in the game. Therefore, utilizing the possessive pronoun of “we” and “you” was an inaccurate statement. He would be more inclined to state that the team in which he was rooting severely beat the team in which I was rooting. This line of reasoning did not help the situation and it was the quick thinking of Nation to get us away from him as he began to beat the sidewalk with his light saber and a glassy, fierce look overcame his dilated eyes.



It is an interesting phenomenon how a team can truly embody the culture of the fan base. The team played in the same manner as the fans rooted. The spirit of New Orleans, in my brief time there, would be to have fun and be right. It is a city that is built on tourism and the enjoyment of others in the city. I say be right, as I do not think anyone that I encountered ever said sorry nor was their ever a moment to exchange a different opinion. I am not saying that this is not allowed, nor was I ever right or wrong. But, there seems to be a general feel of I am right, you are either with me or against me. Choose your side wisely and lets just have some fun. I think these two theories go hand in hand as everyone would appear to be intoxicated. I can tell you from experience, whenever you are drunk, there is nothing more accurate or pure than the words exiting your mouth no matter how irrational and plan stupid they sound to the audience.



It is also human condition to love instant gratification. We love to be loved immediately. This is not to say that we are lazy, generation after generation have always had the same thoughts. We love to get whatever it is right away. We do not want to work for our reward. We do not want to think or slow down whatever process is happening. We want to make it faster. We wanted it yesterday and tomorrow we are going to be famous. The beauty in life is slowing it down to understand how it is all working. The faster you go, the more you miss.



This is an ongoing assessment of sports in this world, but it still amazes me how much we have invested emotionally to a contest in which we do not have any control of the outcome. Sure, we can go to these games and yell our heads off, but that does not actually effect whatever it is on the field. I am not stating this as the team in which I traveled to see lost, but this is the same when the team in which you are rooting wins. There is either this depression or confidence that is in the complete control of people you have never met. I used to be one of these fans. I used to cry when the Yankees lost and have been known to break things when the Cardinals were denied. I think there is a sense of being self-aware when you do realize just how small these games are and buy into the idea that greater things can be linked to our emotions that we can manage with our own hands.



This is my post about New Orleans. It is not going to be about the game or about the time after. It is more of an assessment of my maturity, I’d like to think at least, as a person. I am no longer one that will plan out every little detail. I am one that will not be upset if we don’t make it to that fourth hotel by the fifth night. I am no longer going to be overwhelmed with the blank spaces on my calendar. I think that I would always get caught up with having a structure, but then complaining about the constraints of it. I know, it is crazy, but I have learned to embrace it all. Take the good with the bad and enjoy them both the same.



I no longer try to hold onto anything. I was always baffled by a lyric written by Bright Eyes. I do not know the exact so I will paraphrase: “Once you Love something, give it away.”



This always stuck with me as I always had this agenda that Love was to be the end product and once it is achieved a vacation was in order. The beauty that I found in that line is that yes, you Love something, now let go before it is ruined. It does not mean let it go, turn your back on it and walk away. Rather, in this current moment you have found Love, but tomorrow it will be changed. Do not settle on Loving for just a few days of your life, Love everyday with the things that are prepared to embrace your heart.



I did survive New Orleans. I am a better person for it and it was truly enjoyable. It was depressing, but depression is good, just as good as happiness if you grow from it.



Moral: The New Orleans Saints are a good football team. Logic is never a good way of reasoning with those whom are intoxicated. Beads have become the currency in the Land of Distraction on Bourbon Street. Embrace everything as it comes to you. And always remember, when everything is negative, you can change your approach or just go to sleep, the sun always comes up the next day. Take care and much Love my friends!


This was my favorite memory of ACL, my favorite Pearl Jam song and a moment that is very fitting to what this blog hopefully accomplished.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3xXAdWVow4